just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
