Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
