I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I am midnight drunk by noon
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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