He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
sarcasm needs its own font
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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