even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
