How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
