I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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