What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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