11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Randomize
