SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
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