Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
