I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
