I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
