Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Hippo gnu deer
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
