And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I am full of burrito and curiosity
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Terrible idea I love it
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
