i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
