don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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