I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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