wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
