If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
