u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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