it's too hot outside to masturbate.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize