its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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