My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Can I color on your dick again?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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