Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
