I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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