A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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