i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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