Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
