if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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