its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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