I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Holy shit dude........stairs
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
