I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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