I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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