quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
