tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
