my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
