obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
