just come out here and I will go home with you...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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