"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
