wanna go halves on a baby?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
