His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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