so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
