So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
there's paper in my vomit.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
