he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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