they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
