Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
