Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
