the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
