I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
