he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
