Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
