btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
