Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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