her vagine was all disorganized.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
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You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
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I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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