You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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