Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
