A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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