Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
