Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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