I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
