dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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