Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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