He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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