Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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